I have found peace within my broken heart

 

Okay, I have thought about writing this blog many, many times. I have thought about not doing it, I have thought about who would read it, or how I would come across, but I have decided I am going to do it. So.. here I am. This is the blog about him, the guy that I allowed to break my heart.

 

I have often had strong feelings about people, but no one ever got to me as much as he did. He is handsome, he is sweet, he is creative and we were just, fireworks. Of course there was this other side too, but that is not what this blog is about. This blog is about how I had been so broken hearted for so many months, and then suddenly having peace with it. I will not say okay with it, cause I am not sure I would call it that, I still feel there is this whole chapter that could have happened, hadn’t he closed the book on us.

 

I am at peace with it, which took me many tears, many Jesus-to-a-child-listening-sessions and a lot of hurt in general. Everything would remind me of him, but then one day I had decided to text him, and for some reason I was at peace. I had quite some trouble with myself at the end of december, looking back at the year, feeling so much love and yet so much loss at once, it was hard to bear it.

So when I texted him, I just wanted him to know how I was doing, and I wanted to know how he was doing. I do not know what happened, it was all very unexpected, but even though I was such a broken soul, thinking I would never get over him, something happened during that conversation that made me feel done with the heartbreak. I did not feel like fighting anymore, my heart magically accepted the situation.

 

After that it felt like I had wings again. It opened up this whole new fase for me, where I could move on, even though he will always be in my heart in a way that I do not think anyone will ever understand. And I did. My heart even opened up to a new person, and that will probably be a bumpy road, but I am just proud of myself that I have moved on, my feelings for the guy have evolved.

 

It feels as if a big weight has lifted off me, though I am still learning to deal with myself. Especially the few evenings that I have spent alone on my couch haven’t been great. But I am learning, and I am still loving, and that is something to be proud of.

I am happy I can give love that I somehow reserved for him, to new people: to my dearest friends, to this new person in my life. I thought I had lost my deep feelings forever, and I am so glad I haven’t. I still have the courage to love, even though I have had a few setbacks. And the guy, I will always love him and I hope he will always know.

Okay, I have thought about writing this blog many, many times. I have thought about not doing it, I have thought about who would read it, or how I would come across, but I have decided I am going to do it. So.. here I am. This is the blog about him, the guy that I allowed to break my heart.

 

I have often had strong feelings about people, but no one ever got to me as much as he did. He is handsome, he is sweet, he is creative and we were just, fireworks. Of course there was this other side too, but that is not what this blog is about. This blog is about how I had been so broken hearted for so many months, and then suddenly having peace with it. I will not say okay with it, cause I am not sure I would call it that, I still feel there is this whole chapter that could have happened, hadn’t he closed the book on us.

 

I am at peace with it, which took me many tears, many Jesus-to-a-child-listening-sessions and a lot of hurt in general. Everything would remind me of him, but then one day I had decided to text him, and for some reason I was at peace. I had quite some trouble with myself at the end of december, looking back at the year, feeling so much love and yet so much loss at once, it was hard to bear it. So when I texted him, I just wanted him to know how I was doing, and I wanted to know how he was doing. I do not know what happened, it was all very unexpected, but even though I was such a broken soul, thinking I would never get over him, something happened during that conversation that made me feel done with the heartbreak. I did not feel like fighting anymore, my heart magically accepted the situation.

 

After that it felt like I had wings again. It opened up this whole new fase for me, where I could move on, even though he will always be in my heart in a way that I do not think anyone will ever understand. And I did. My heart even opened up to a new person, and that will probably be a bumpy road, but I am just proud of myself that I have moved on, my feelings for the guy have evolved.

 

It feels as if a big weight has lifted off me, though I am still learning to deal with myself. Especially the few evenings that I have spent alone on my couch haven’t been great. But I am learning, and I am still loving, and that is something to be proud of. I am happy I can give love that I somehow reserved for him, to new people: to my dearest friends, to this new person in my life. I thought I had lost my deep feelings forever, and I am so glad I haven’t. I still have the courage to love, even though I have had a few setbacks. And the guy, I will always love him and I hope he will always know.

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