When you read the title of this blog, you’d probably think I had a boyfriend and he cheated on me. That is not the case, it is quite the opposite actually. The guy that couldn’t do monogamy is a young man that I met through a dating website.
Through a dating site I met Jo, a guy that is very Amsterdam-y, pretty self assured, and a bit cocky. Exactly the way I do not like a guy to be, but I keep on ending up with guys like that anyway. I guess most guys really try to act that way at first, to impress, so maybe I am not that bad.
So on our first date we met at a rock music pub on a Saturday night. I was pretty nervous, I was just going to this place alone, not knowing what I could expect. I mean, by then we had spend weeks and many many hours sending each other voice messages through Whatsapp, and of course I had seen a movie clip and some pictures, but still.. I was alone, in a pub I was not familiair with, in Amsterdam, meeting some guy I did not really know, that stuff is pretty exciting.
The first date went well, we had a good time, he even kissed me, and I had to really run very fast to get to the last train of the evening, which leaves at 1:15. It was a blast though, on the one hand I felt very free and very independent, on the other hand I felt genuine happiness for having met a person that is awesome. Especially when a few days later he said he wanted to see me again, I was pretty stoked. My fatness did not chase him away, that is interesting.
Anyway, we had that second date. On our first date we went drinking (shots, everything!) at this place called the Waterhole near Leidseplein in Amsterdam. The second date we went on a little walk through the Vondelpark, which was very dark thanks to the Christmas time coming up (yay!) and because it was extremely late (we met at 11 o clock). At first I wanted to make it a picknick, then I wanted to bring a candle and marshmallows for roasting, but eventually we made it a liquid dinner with just a bottle of wine and grasshopper, home mixed!
It was a pretty awesome evening, we talk easily, we kiss easily, everything goes pretty smooth. It is strange how it all feels so fresh and new and yet so familiar in a way too. There is so much to learn here though. For example the thing I am referring to in the title. This guy does not do monogamy. Does this make him a pervy guy? Not really. Do I have to become someone sister wife at some point? Nope. Just because he does not do monogamy, does not mean he is all for polygamy. And just because he does not want to share sex with just one and the same person for years and years, that does not make him an emotionless robot that only thinks about himself.
I stress it this way, as I have told a few close people about him and their reactions were pretty traditional. That is not surprising, it is actually quite logical, and I too had some questions for Jo about his non-monogamous lifestyle. However, I do get disappointed when I explain people and they still stick with their narrow mindedness. If Jo wants to be this person and do things this way, let him be.
The thing is, in many ways I understand what he is coming from. I have had my fair share of relationships that often went bad, sometimes because of other people getting involved, sometimes because of a kind of boredom I guess, but always I thought: what if it was an open relationship, would we deal with the same things, different things, would we fight less? I never got the answers to these questions, but I am not offended by people being in open relationships. It seems very hard, but as long as people are open and honest it should be able to work.
The second date-night I almost missed the last train, which means either wait a couple of hours or pay 55 euros for a taxi home. Insane, so I was at Rembrandtsquare at around one o clock, and then realised I had to get back, so I started walking super fast, but then I was at Dam Square and I only had 7 minutes left to make the train; this was not going to work. So I saw this super touristy bicycle thing for tourists and I said: TAXI, HOW MUCH TO CENTRAL STATION?! Five euros, only five euros, so I jumped in, and I was laughing all the way to the station because it felt so weird and spontaneous and the guy drove like a maniac, not caring about red traffic lights and stuff (and even yelling to me about it in the process hihi). Pretty insane, but I made it!
And the guy that couldn’t do monogamy? I had a few more dates with him; we watched American Horror Story at his house, we went to Ripley’s Believe it or not and we had lunch together next to one of the many canals. But the funny thing is that he was kinda seeing this chick, and she had major issues with him being on dates with me.
Eventually they actually started a relationship together, and even though he was the guy that couldn’t do monogamy, he was also the guy that was prohibited to really fall in love with other people and get emotionally connected to them, according to his girlfriend. That meant that he could only see me for one thing, and not go on dates with me. This was kinda funny to me, cause that one thing we did not even do at that point, and we never would, because he was afraid he would fall even deeper in love with me. It sounds like a shitty excuse and it probably was, but at the time it all felt pretty real as we really connected on a different level. Now I hope he is doing well, or even better: they are doing well.