Even though I have always been in relationships with men, I have always known that I love people instead of genders. I have been in love with women before, and even though to many people I am hetero sexual, I know I am not.

So last year I had my first official Tinder date with a woman. It feels a bit silly to address it like this, but it’s the truth. It is the first time I had a real date with a woman that I did not already know. I was super nervous, I have thought to myself a million times: I should cancel this, I am too ugly, I look way less good than my pictures and: I did not really know a lot about her, so I thought: omg this could be catfish.

I am so glad I didn’t though, cause it was magical. I really love dating in Amsterdam. We were first having a drink at my fave bar in the city. I was there a little bit earlier so I got us two cocktails, and soon after I sat down she stood right next to me, looking even more gorgeous than her pictures, and she had this glow around her, I don’t know, I was so impressed.

She started talking about all kinds of things, but mainly her work, which is really cool but I can’t really say much about. It is really cool though. She told me she was married before, she told me about her mom, she showed me her left cheek as she had an operation that day and she looked like a hamster. It was such a nice convo.

When we finished our huge cocktails we went to the cinema, cause we were going to watch a comedy. It was very interesting how she gave me her purse to hold as she went to the bathroom. She was very trusting, and that was very comforting. The movie was not super good, but it was nice sitting beside her, seeing her react to the movie. Whisper a few comments. I wondered if I could you know, hold her hand or touch her face or something, but I did not dare, hihi. Also, I wanted to take things slowly.

After the movie I thought we would both go home, especially after her jaw surgery she would probably be hungry or something, but she said: so, what’s the plan? I suggested to get a drink and she said: excellent idea, I know a place. She pushed me into this alley, hihi, and then we ended up at this bar called Reality, which is a gay bar for men mostly. She knew a few people there and she was happy to finally take a woman there, cause she always went there with her neighbours boyfriend and they did not believe she was gay, haha.

I felt very special that she took me there, I met some of the people she knew and we had another drink before we both had to leave for the subway. The conversation in the bar was really nice, we talked personal things, I talked too, and she mentioned that she and her colleague actually listened to Frank Ocean cause I mentioned him in a text and they both did not know him. And her colleague said: wow, I should take Frank Ocean and put him on when I am with my wife tonight, hihi.

It was just very sweet to me how she told her colleagues about our date and that they even listened to Frank because of it, I dunno, it really made my heart feel all fuzzy and warm. And the fact that she took me to that bar made me feel that way anyway. I just felt so comfortable with her. And she mentioned how she liked watching a movie next to a gorgeous woman like me. Aaww..

As soon as we said goodbye, just like normal people, three kisses and a hug, I sat on the train and told her how much I liked this evening together. She was so sweet about it, telling me she liked it too, and she thought I was even more gorgeous than my pictures, and she was so happy that I was so nice to talk with. We planned our second date for next week. She even said the beautiful words: I hope you could really be yourself, cause yourself is interesting.

May be this all sounds very over the top or stupid as it was just one date, but it feels so good how easy things went. How she really seemed to like me, even though I am so.. weird. It just felt so good to have someone around that really, really wanted to be with me, and even making plans for the future. I cannot really explain it as you might have noticed, hihi.

And like I said, I like dating in general, even though I never really dare to really pull through, every time I do has been a great experience. I was extra surprised about that, cause we did not speak a lot or share any pictures besides our profile pictures before we saw each other in real life. Very exciting, and it is awesome to see us hit it off so well.

After that date we went on a couple more dates, usually cinema, and we kissed at Amsterdam Central Station, which was pretty romantic and cutesy. She was pretty serious about me, which was something I was no longer accustomed to after a few dates with other people. I am not sure why or how or when anymore, but I noticed that she was ready for more and I was still hung up on someone else a bit too much, or perhaps I was simply not having the same butterflies she had, plus I never really dated a woman as seriously as this before, so in the end I made some stupid decisions and I let her go, which is so silly, especially as the pieces above I wrote just after the date, and look at how happy I was.

Oh well, I have learned a lot this past year, and I am planning on continuing to do so. It is just too bad she was in my life at the wrong time, cause she was really something.