So even though a lot of things have changed by now, this blog I have written many months ago, and I still wanted to share it:
I write this blog when the break-up is still pretty busy happening, but I feel like I should write about it cause it is on my mind, even though I can’t post it right now, due to multiple reasons, one of which being my parents not knowing about it yet, so it feels weird to tell the whole world except for the people that are most involved in my life.
After six years my boyfriend and I decided to end our relationship. Though the intention came more from his side, eventually it is a decision we both made. It was and it still is a very hard time, as there are a lot of emotions, people and possessions involved. My boyfriend, who is a bit older than I am, wants to have kids and I do not (or for the people that are certain I will get the urge to get them some day after my 30th birthday: at this moment) want any myself. That is pretty difficult if you want to look what your future together will be.
Obviously there are more things at play here, than just the baby thing, but in the decision of breaking up the kids thing was the main reason for us to call it quits. It is odd, because on one hand it is stupid to break up about something like this, as you still love each other but you just realize you can’t be together, but on the other hand it is also nice to do it like this, instead of hurting each others feelings by saying: I stopped loving you. That is a bit harsh right?
So I am pretty happy at this moment that we are breaking up as friends. At the moment of writing this, we are cleaning up the house we bought together, so we can contact a realtor for selling. We both still live here, almost like we did not break up, as we still play video games together and watch tv series. I am happy about that though, that we can still have fun and talk together, and that we are not fighting about who gets what. We are both pretty relaxed about it, and that is a good break-up for a girl that has seen a lot of other break-ups before 😉
Plus, this time I feel like I am not the one that instigates the break-up, which might make things different too. As I wrote in my post about being a tomboy secretary, I can be a pretty laid back person, pretty agile when it comes to change. Though I think I do feel a lot of stuff about it all, I mean, it is still six years. I also wonder if we will both stay as relaxed about it as we are now, cause we haven’t really told many people yet, and often the involvement and judgement of others might change your mind about things.
So if you are a friend reading this blog thinking: what the?! It is just because I like dealing with this type of thing alone, or almost alone. Also because us selling the house also means me buying an apartment on my own, taking steps into an even more independent life, I feel like I should do this on my own as much as I can. Even though we are still friends, break-ups are hard and they involve more people than just us.
I am scared for the future, as I am afraid of always staying alone, or being alone with my thoughts too much, so I hope I can keep working hard, and the first six months I definitely want to spend perfecting myself on the inside and outside, meaning eating more healthy, working out and get myself in a happy mindset before I go out in the world again. I am very curious if my friendship with the now ex boyfriend will last, as often when someone else walks into the picture it is not very normal to stay friends with your ex.
And as he wants to have kids I imagine he is not going to wait for too long to find the new one. I hope he does find someone that he can be ultimately happy with, but I also hope we can stay friends as we like the same things, and we have put so much into these 6 years it would be a shame to throw it all away. We will see how it goes, as it might turn out his new girlfriend is someone I know, which would possibly make it harder for me to be as relaxed about it as I sound now. And in general, I have my relaxed moments like these, and the totally devastating ones that I do not share.. I have had a boyfriend who started dating a chick we knew before and that is a bit weird, but even that I was okay with pretty swiftly, though I can’t help my mind from wondering when they had that spark..
Anyway, we will see how things all turn out, as long as the outcome is that both of us are extremely happy with our new lives, that would be fine with me. I look forward to making my own apartment pink, seeing my friends more and work on my physique, and I hope my brain can keep up with this pretty happy feeling too.