Okay, so it is time to finally tackle this issue that I am dealing with for most of my life, as I am getting a bit tired of the whole kids situation. The thing is: I do not want to have kids. At this moment I would strongly say I’d never have kids, but as people keep on being super sure that after 30 my whole body will be like REPRODUCE, I HAVE TO, NOOWW, let’s say that maybe if I’d ever meet the right person that I truly wish to have kids with all of a sudden, comes into my life, I might, in like, 7 years. Or if indeed my body starts calling me and I really want to have a kid to give my love (money and life 😉 ) too, I might go to Japan to adopt a little one.
At this moment I would still say no though: I do not wish to have kids. There are many reasons for me to not want them, but somehow most people with kids I tell about my non-reproductive life plans, are offended by it. Which offends me, cause I do not understand why a choice I make, would have any negative impact on others. Unless you are my parents that really want to become grand parents, but thank god I have a sibling to hopefully take care of that 😉
Anyway, it is very hard for me to speak about not wanting kids, around people that have kids. For some reason they feel like their kids are so awesome, that they should make everybody in the world want to have kids. The thing is though, I will never have your kid, cause I am not you nor your spouse, so the outcome will never be the same. Plus, even when two people have another kid, it is never the same as the first one, right? So being offended by me not wanting kids, does not have anything to do with yours. It also does not have to do with me starting off as a kid either. It is something many Dutch people will say: “You don’t want kids, huh, but you have been a kid yourself, how can you say that?!” I am pretty sure there are many things I was, but that does not mean it should be repeated 😉
It also does not have to do with me not being able to love. Though this is a touchy subject at the moment for other reasons, I just wanted to stress that I can feel love for a kid. I can have fun with them too, I am pretty connected to my inner child, so playing with LEGO is something that makes me just as excited as your 6-year-old, perfect play pals! I enjoy hanging out with kids, it is lovely. I love how they say super weird stuff, or how they will come up with these very creative stories when playing with dolls. Kids are great, cause they usually aren’t shaped too much yet, so they are very expressive, which is super nice.
There are just many things surrounding kids that I do not ever wish having to deal with: being in constant fear about the well-being of your kid is definitely number one, but being pregnant (the labour is not even the worst to me, it is the pregnancy that would totally freak me out) and the huge responsibility that comes with it all are huge too. I mean, in a way your child is a product of you, so people will judge it for that. Sounds pretty scary to me, both for parents as kids.
Another important reason for me to not want kids is that I do not want to end up being alone having to take care of it, with the dad being long gone. I know that is very mean to say, but it is something very real, and still in this world the mother is seen as the caretaker in most instances. Not that a kid would not be happy having just a single mom as a parent; I just would not be a fan of it right now, for me.
Plus, I feel you should kinda give up your life for the kid, make sure it has everything it needs, especially when it comes to attention and feeling loved. I see too many people around me that simply do not adjust enough to their kids needs. I do not mean you have to be its servant, always available, cause I was raised in a way that has made me very independent in many ways, but there is a part of you that you will need to give up (like doing drugs for example).
Thankfully I know loads of people that take care of their children in very healthy, happy and good ways, and I am truly grateful for my friends that are totally in love with their kids. Almost all kids I know are pretty awesome, it just simply does not necessary mean I want one myself too.
And if my mind does change in ten years (haha, it’s getting more and more), than that is okay too. At this moment, I am just a bit sick of having to explain myself all the time. I can imagine if you are on cloud nine, all in love with your kid, it is hard to imagine reasons not to want such a dreamy little cutey, but there are still many reasons not to have kids, and they are just as valid as the reasons for wanting them.