Whenever I have time to stand still and really think about myself, which usually happens when I am cycling or going out on my own, I often come across the topic of normality. I often consider myself a pretty crazy person, not that I do a lot of insane things, but I am just pretty different. I often have a different opinion, my sense of humor is extremely difficult to read and I am very open to a lot of things. When I look around me, I often wonder if I am so weird, or if everybody is just getting too normal?
This year, 2016, is a moment in time where hipsters rule the world, they post photos of avocados on Instagram, they are trendsetters, bla bla. But why is everybody following this trend so much? The average young woman has the following hobbies: going to the gym, running outside, competing in running competitions, drinking wine/gin tonics/cava, going to the club with friends and shopping for trendy clothes. They are not extremely outspoken, usually.
I mean, they are fine of course, they often look extremely good, skinny and happy, but I always feel like I want more in life. Maybe that is some kind of weird character trait of mine, but I feel so much more like talking, being outspoken, experience new things, doing other things than just fitting leggings and running. I love hip hop dancing, even though I am too old and too large and too white, and I love talking to new people, or when people ask strange questions. That is fun, that is what makes life so cool!
I am not saying my life is just one big crazy experience, but I feel like it is more interesting than the lives of many other women. Sometimes I worry about that: Why am I not normal, will I always be like this, why can’t I be more relaxed and happy like those people? But I guess that is just not me. When I love something, I love everything about it, I want to become good at it, do it often, et cetera. And those things usually do not have to do with running or drinking wine.
On the one hand it is cool to be the unique one, but on the other hand I often long to be a bit more normal. People around me often do not understand me, are not on the same wavelength, and it can be difficult to explain myself. It may also makes you feel like an outcast sometimes, or always, which is something no human being likes: everybody desires to belong.
I mean, it is not that I am extremely sad about it, and it is not that I think women that are not like me are boring or whatever, of course not, but it does sometimes make me wonder what my life would have been like if I was more like the other girls. It can be pretty exhausting to be me, and sometimes I wonder if there is some kind of moment planned in my life where I will have an epiphany and become relaxed and zen-like those others as well. At this moment, I do not expect to have that in the near future, and part of me feels glad, while part of me feels exhausted about it… We will see 😉