Last month marked the 6th birthday of my relationship with my boyfriend. Although I am usually very much into celebrations, the fact that I am pretty broke and that there are some things we are currently struggling with make us in a not so celebratory state, which is why we did not really celebrate it but instead decided to postpone the yay we are together for 6-years romantic stuff.
I have not really written about this personal stuff on this website, which has many reasons. The first is that I do not really like talking about these things online, as you never know who reads it, plus I do not really like talking about this stuff period. Why? Cause it is hard and it is a little bit taboo as well. I feel like whenever I would tell a person that our relationship seems to be in less sunny weather than usual, people immediately start judging and thinking: this is over. I can’t really deal with the judgment, plus I think it is not fair cause every relationship has its ups and downs.
But as this stuff has been on my mind constantly for over two months, and I am emotionally pretty drained so I do feel I should say something about it. Love is hard and especially when you are in a bit of stormy weather together, it can feel like there is no sunshine coming up ever again. It also feels like everything was so perfect before this worse period started, even though that is not entirely true. Is anything ever perfect?
Love is never really easy. We tell ourselves it should be, because that is what other people make us believe through romantic movies, through solely positive Facebook statuses, et cetera.
But please do not forget that a relationship is something very private and intimate, it is something between the two of you (or three, or more, depending on the type of love you choose). And you make it what it is. It is easy to say that you should be a person’s number one and you should not settle for less, but the reality is different.
I remember when I told an ex-boyfriend that I disliked that always contacting me when it was convenient for him (without taking into account my calendar or feelings), to which he bluntly responded: “When else should I contact you then, when it is inconvenient?” And even though it was mean, he was kinda right.
People generally do not really speak about their love life, especially as we grow older, it seems all so normal. “Yes, I have a wife”. To me that sounds quite the same to: “Yes, I have a car”. Like it is not freaking special that someone has chosen to spend their precious time on earth with you. And, better yet, as if you do not have this whole magical secret world of just the two of you at home.
I think people say it that way (“I have a wife”), either because they do cherish her and the relationship and want to safeguard this home situation, or because they take things for granted. Well, they shouldn’t do the latter. A relationship is not this thing where you decide to be together one day and that’s it: it is hard work. And frankly, that makes it not suitable for just anyone.