I just need to get this off my chest, it is not the full story, but just a part of it. I am sorry this ends a bit sappy, but yeah, just needed a place to share this somehow.
Just before the whole world basically went in lockdown, I ended my relationship. It was painful, it was sad, but my ex was very sweet about it. Sad, but sweet. As it is not easy to get a new house in The Netherlands, we decided that he could stay for a while, at least until he would have found a new place. But then corona kicked in, so finding a house to move into was even harder than before. You can’t look at a place before you sign your contract, you hardly get into contact with anyone and yeah, it ain’t fun.
My friends sometimes say they are admiring how I handle this situation of living together with my ex. Of course, it is not ideal: you do not really feel free. And one of the reasons for breaking up with him was because I felt like I needed freedom. On the other hand I am okay with it. Cause it could also have been a totally different story. What if I did not break up with him? I would have felt locked in even more, and that would definitely have not been good for our relationship or whatever would be left of it.
So, as crazy as it sounds, it is a good test of who we are together when we we’re not together, and how we feel towards each other, if you know what I mean. At the same time it is like living in this bubble, this safe place where no one will interfere. As we do not get outside much anymore because of COVID-19, it means we do not really get to interact with many different people. And of course our interactions with other people that will influence behavior heavily. I am not afraid of it, as the most important people around us know, but I am curious as to what will happen between us.
Do I miss a sense of freedom? Yes I do, but that is mainly because of corona: I miss going to festivals, concerts, travelling, seeing my family and my friends. My ex and I still struggle, cause he does things quite differently than I would, but it could have been so much worse. We have ended things at the right time, at a moment when we could still have a conversation. We will have to see how things go when he does leave, what will be left of anything we have established now, but just like this virus that has just happened to us, we will have to accept the new situation. And may be because of this, we will slide into that a lot easier than we were able to before.