Ever since I am single again (I am sorry every blog starts with that, but it has a huge impact on this serial monogamists life), I have been doing a little bit of soul searching. Not too much, afraid of what I might find, but just enough to learn more about myself. One of the biggest things I have learned over the past few weeks, is how different I am.
I have always felt a bit different. In my girl group in elementary school I already was considered the weirdest one, in my family I was always the rebel and it is not surprising I went a bit goth in high school. I still feel different these days: I am not your normal run of the mill girl. I don’t like running, I don’t like sipping wine on a boat in Amsterdam during summer and I am definitely not a good looking secretary that always looks like a million bucks.
Now that the big 30 is coming closer, and again I am single, I think about it a lot more. Not that my weirdness bothers me that much; it has its perks, but sometimes I get jealous of people that are normal. People that are happy with who they are, what they do, people that fit in. On the other hand it seems a boring life, that is definitely not for me, hihi. When I think back of how obvious it is that I am different, one example that comes to mind is the video of Breathe, a song by The Prodigy.
I was ten years old when it came out, and instead of being freaked out about the bugs in the video, I was only infatuated with Maxim, the dude with the creepy eyes in the video. Even though I was ten years old and this man looked pretty scary, I totally fell in love with him. It does not make sense, but I am kinda happy about how open minded I was at such a young age already. I could never understand why people would be so mean about the Prodigy’s singers piercings too, for example, and how he should not stick his tongue out so much in the Firestarter video. I keep on trying to understand why I was so okay with things back then, but I can’t really decide. It probably has to do with my mother, who always says: live and let live.
Anyway, thinking back of that video and how much I loved it (the song too by the way, still my fave The Prodigy song), it was kinda written in the stars I would be a gothic chick at one point, right? I am happy I was, it was tough being a goth in the pretty small city I grew up in, but it has also made me a lot stronger, and I needed that, especially at that moment in my life, funny enough. Anyway, when I look at the Breathe-video, I still kinda have the hots for Maxim. Is that weird? 😉