So yesterday The Netherlands were celebrating both Ascension Day and Liberation Day, but I did not really do much with that, as I was way too busy writing, bingewatching Girls, checking out the horribleness of Bad Neighbours 2 and watching the documentary Amy that was on Dutch television.

I hadn’t seen this Academy Award winner yet, and I am glad I eventually did. It left me very sad though, cause Amy’s life story is a very depressing one. She was such a talented singer, especially her Back to Black album is so strong with excellent and true lyrics, which you learn more about throughout the documentary.

What you also learn about, is the major daddy issues Amy had to face. She had a very complicated relationship with her father, even though it often seemed like she put him on a pedestal. And those daddy issues came with boyfriend issues, being afraid of being alone, being bad at being alone, getting very depressed when being alone. Poor Amy…

Amy is a very impressive documentary. I am not even sure what makes it so good: is it the spirit of Amy, is it a documentary maker that got very lucky with his interviewees or is this documentary maker brilliant at puzzling stuff together? I don’t know, but this haunting documentary about the British jazzy singer made an impression. It has left me pretty down on my couch.

What strikes me though, is the part of Blake Fielder, the husband. It is obvious that he has played a huge role in her life, and as the documentary shows the impact he had on her was mainly negative. He was the one that got her to use crack, cocaïne and heroine for starters. Not a good man to hang around with, as the documentary shows pretty graphically.

It amazes me how Blake actually tells all this stuff. He is the one that in the documentary says that he got her into doing those extremely addictive hard drugs. And that got me thinking, why would a man go on record saying he did that?

I mean, is he so drugged up that he does not understand how that is a bad thing? Is he so addicted that he does not see the harm in drugs that other people see? Is he so careless about his ex-wife that he does not mind being seen as the enemy in this story? What would move him to spill the beans on record if it makes him look this bad?

I cannot stop thinking about it, cause it is so strange to me. Is he so far away from reality that he does not mind how this makes him look? News articles that I have just found online suggest that he simply did not feel like he was the enemy. He said they were both broken people, that she already had issues before she met him. Obviously that is true, but is it a good idea to introduce a person like that to crack, cocaine, instead of to psychological help or more positive distractions?

I think a life partner should always be the one trying to get the best out of you, even when they are struggling themselves. He did quite the opposite, and I think she was not strong enough to tell him. The latter is not his fault, but the fact that he simply was not very supportive in the positive sense, is something he could have done differently. Every girl deserves a guy or chick that puts them on the number one spot, and for a creative genius like Amy, even though she probably was a very difficult person to be around, that should be the case too.