I have been thinking about that typical job interview question a lot: ‘Where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ I never really have an answer to that. I have no great life goals. I always thought that was because I do not long to have a family of my own: not wanting kids means you are a bit goalless. Or well, it means you do not ‘get’ the big milestone life goals other people tend to celebrate. It sounds a bit silly, but my life goal is to have great people around me, and be happy.

No expectations

And though I am open to many different ways of being happy, I notice that there are a few things that will always excite me: writing, traveling, hanging out with people I thoroughly enjoy. People often will say I am a bit numb sometimes, but I do not think I am that numb. Sure, sometimes it stings that I do not feel many things, but it is not like I am always this feeling deprived person. Plus, I hardly get disappointed by things, because I have no expectations. I do not expect people to pick me up from the airport, I will find my own way. I do not expect someone to love me for the rest of my life, even when he or she says they will. It feels very freeing to not have expectations. People find that a depressing statement: not expecting things so people or situations won’t disappoint you, but it actually is the smartest thing and it is born out of a feeling of happiness.

How I live my life is to be open to everything. Often I forgot that other people don’t think that way, which is why they will often be surprised by how much I think outside the box. That is not something that I do intentionally, I just feel that everything can happen at any time. That is difficult too sometimes, cause it can hard for me to hold on to something. I am going to say this now, and it will sound ridiculous, but it is my reality: if I have no things planned with my best friend, my brain will make me think that our friendship could be over any day now. This is not healthy, I know that, and I must say, I am getting better, but that is the downside of being open to everything. Everything.

Steven Bartlett

In a way I am expecting anything to happen, whilst also not expecting anything. I still feel that it mostly helps me, to be not expecting anything, and I am not the only one thinking that way. I went to a conference and Steven Bartlett was there, and extremely inspiring guy who hosts The Diary of a CEO (and he was the youngest Dragon on the British tv show Dragons Den). In a session he explained how everything is always about expectations. When he was little he grew up in Africa without parties, without holidays and flying places. When he was on a plane the first time, he was surprised by everything, it was so cool: he had no expectations as he had never experienced it before. But now his expectations are different: he flies 50 weeks a year (boo) and he flies business class or first class, and he does not even bother to be excited when looking our the window or getting the safety procedures explained. But then he sees other people be all happy like the little boy he used to be, and he realises: it is all about expectations. It’s not fun to have (high) expectations, cause everything will feel like a failure.

Okay, he did not literally say that, but I do feel inspired by that story. Be surprised a bit more, a bit more open and let the rest, well, do the rest. Don’t be the millionaire who is unhappy if his medium rare steak is not medium rare, be the person that is just happy to eat. It will surely make you a more fun person to be around. And eventually, you will start noticing that you are happier and probably can deal with stress better. Cause if your planned journey to some place does not go as planned, you do not get stressed about that, you will just think: okay, and find a new way, forgetting about what went wrong. It feels so good to just focus on the present and the future. Yes, I said feels: see, not that numb after all. 😉